The Lost Gift
by Bubbles8231999
Summary: Ziva knows she has a secret, but is she ready to tell everyone? Defiantly Tiva, some McAbby and hints of Jibbs. Jenny is still alive. Set in the future. First fanfic, so please read sand review. Will take any suggestions or criticism. NOTE: Rating has gone up!
1. Chapter 1

"Tony, you are late again." Ziva half sang as Tony walked into the bullpen.

They both not-so-unfortunatly knew they had been up rather late the previous night, doing some not-so-public things.

"Well if I'm so late, where is McGee then?" Tony wondered, feeling silently proud of himself for such a comeback.

"He is down with Abby, and you need to-"

"Grab your gear. Ziva's driving." Gibbs announced as he came in.

"Do we get to know what the case is Boss?" Tony asked.

"Did I tell you Dinozzo?"

"No"

"Then you have your answer."

Tony ran to the elevator, trying to pray Ziva would not kill him in the process of driving.

"Try not to act so worried Tony, it's not like I bite." Ziva smirked, seeing Tony remembering last night with the word "bite".

"Local LEO's said a woman had called in a kidnaping and said a girl, about 13, had been walking when two men in ski masks came from behind and atacked. LEO's went through her purse, but found nothing suspicious but a card to NCIS, and decided to call us." Gibbs said.

Ziva had been looking through the victim's belongings, when she found a key that looked all to familiar to Ziva.

Gibbs continued,"The ID from her purse says she is-"

"Jennifer David" Ziva cuts in, pronouncing the name Dav-eed, like hers.


	2. Chapter 2

_Note: Thank you to all my new supporters. You have no idea how much your reviews and alerts mean to me! I will try to post a chapter a day, but no promises._

_Disclaimer: I could only hope in my wildest dreams that I own NCIS, so all credit for any characters you recognize belong to someone much richer than me._

"Ziva, we need to talk," Gibbs said quietly as he looked at Ziva, half sorry for her, half mad at her for not informing him, and half confused as to what the hell was going on.

"Sister?" Gibbs asked.

"No."

"Cousin?"

"No."

"Daughter?"

"Gibbs, I swear I can explain."

"I would take that as a yes then. Ziva, why don't we know about her?" Gibbs asked softly, concerned is his agent could be too close to the case.

"Because...I-" She stopped suddenly, remembering her fear of having a child in the first place. "I couldn't bring myself to tell the father. I had already planned a trip to Israel, and had the her there. I left her with one of the only family members I still trusted with my life." She was on a roll, and after keeping all her motherly fears inside with nobody to talk to about them for 13 years. She was on a roll, and wasn't about to stop. "My aunt had promised to keep her safe Gibbs, and I knew she was old, but was totally shocked when I got a call a few months ago that she had died."

Ziva was now shaking with tears, and hoping the rest of the team couldn't see her. She came in to Gibbs for a hug, and was actually surprised at how welcoming and gentle he was about all this. "Gibbs, I know you are going to try and get me off the case, and as much as I truly appreciate your concern, I will find her, and I will be a part of this investigation."

"Now Ziver, you know I trust you to control yourself, but if anything, and I mean anything, comes up, I will not hesitate to pull you from this case. Do you hear me?"

"Yes Boss. But just imagine, after loosing Shannon and Kelly, if there was a chance you could bring them out if everything alive. If there was a chance you could see your daughter again, what would you do?" Ziva countered him, with more tears running down her eyes, and the faint gleam of a tear in Gibbs's right eye.

"I would do everything in my power, which I am sure you will to." Gibbs responded with a shaky breath. "But can I ask you one question?"

"Sure Boss, what's that?"

"Who's the father?"

Ziva took a sharp breath, wondering if she would be able to say it out loud. She had been breaking rules when Jenny was born, and long ago decided she would not burden anyone else with her mistakes. Not that Jenny was a mistake, heck, it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

But not being there for her daughter for so many of her milestones. The ones parents lived for, like a first word coming out of there babbling mouth, or the first wobbly steps of a toddler exploring their new-found freedom.

The mistake of keeping Jenny a secret from the very people she trusted with more than her life, and tested that trust on a weekly basis. All because if her fear that with a child, could she still work for NCIS? Would she have enough money to support her the way she needed? When people would look at her, would they no longer see a kick-ass ninja, and instead see her as a slut with a kid, no money, no job, and no father for the girl?

So the answer to Gibbs's question 'Who was the father?' had a very simple answer, but not one she was still not ready to say, even after all these years.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you so much for everyone's support. If anyone is a tumblr fan out there, I have a blog dedicated to NCIS. You can find it under bubbles8231999._

_Kind of a short chapter, so I may post two tonight, we'll see._

_Disclaimer: Not mine, but a girl can dream right?_

"Ziva, I need to know who the father is. We need to tell him everything Ziva." Gibbs pried, but also tried to be gentle, knowing she would shut-down if he pushed to hard.

" Tony..." She whispered, not wanting anyone else to hear.

Gibbs looked at her for a moment, hoping she was joking. "DiNozzo-"

"Yah Boss?" Tony was bagging and tagging the evidence, and McGee was talking to the witness.

"Get your ass over here, now!" DiNozzo walked/ran over to the boss, wondering what could turn him from crying with Ziva to yelling at him.

"Is there something you two need to tell me?"

"No Boss" "It's not like that" they both said at the same time.

"Then explain"

"Gibbs please, do you remember when we went undercover as the married assassins?" Ziva asked him.

"Yes..."

"Well, we just got carried away in all of it. We weren't planning on having sex, so we didn't have condoms. Tony said he was clean, and I believed him. I was on the pill, so I didn't think much of the birth control part. Gibbs, I swear, it was a one time thing, and-" Ziva was cut off by a more than confused Tony.

"Ziva, are you saying Jennifer is mine?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying."

_Should I do another tonight or not?_


	4. Chapter 4

_Sorry for the hiatus. I had some family friends in town, so I've been kinda busy. Hope this chapter makes up for it. May post two to day._

_Disclaimer: Let me check... Nope. I don't own NCIS. But my birthday is coming up. That may make a nice gift *hint hint*._

"Ziva, why didn't you tell before? You know I could have helped with everything." Tony was shocked that he had a kid. He knew that one day he wanted a family, but he never imagined he already had one. This changes everything.

"I was scared, Tony. Scared that if I did tell you, or anyone, that I would get kicked off the team. I was scared that if I told you, you would do something crazy. And I wanted what was best for Jen. I didn't think it was right at the time to have her grow up with one parent who was almost never home, but I couldn't put her up for adoption because if I did I would never forgive myself." Ziva was in tears again, and understandably so. "Tony, I was afraid you wouldn't want her." She admitted quietly, now realizing that Tony would have never thrown her under the bus.

"Ziva, you know I would have supported you, and we could have found someway to make it work." Gibbs was nodding as Tony said this, because he knew it was true. "Ziva, come on. Once we find her, we can raise her together."

Ziva noddes at this, slightly surprised at how well he was taking it. "Ziva, why did you recognize the key to your apartment?"

"Because, last time I was in Isriel, I gave her the key, and told her is the ever needed anything, she could come to my apartment anytime. A few nights ago, I had found her laying on my couch when I got home from work. There was the key on the table with a note from her informing my the aunt I had left her with had died. She was going to live with me." Ziva stated.

"Ziva," Gibbs spoke in,"do you have a recent picture of her, we need to put out a BOLO and an Amber Alert. "

"I do not have one, but I can get her Mossad file. There should be a picture in it we can use."

"Wait a minute, Jenny is Mossad?" Tony was both startled that he had a daughter in Mossad, and grateful, because is she was Althing like her mother, she would have defiantly put up a fight somewhere along the way.


	5. Chapter 5

"What do you mean she was Mossad. She is what? 13. You think a 13 year old needs to be in Mossad? I can't believe you put her in that place and-"

"Tony! I did it to help her. Think about it. She was trained to defend herself. She was trained to fire guns. She can use a knife. Tony, she has the same training I did, and she was protected this entire time. Think about it. I was trying to hide her away. The best place to hide something is in plain sight. I was trying to hide her from my father, and she ended up working as one of his best spies." Ziva was trying to make him understand. She knew when Jenny was born that she would need protection, and she knew it had been for the best. "When Jen was old enough, I explained everything to her. She understood, and agreed to keep everything the same. When my aunt died, she resigned from Mossad to come to the US. Tony, I did it to protect her."

Ziva was letting a silent tear roll down her cheek while she was explaining what happened and her reasons.

Tony was suddenly hit with the facts. He had a daughter with Ziva. They had spoken several times about children, and they had both wanted them. Ziva gave away their child so she could grow up and be safe from a man who had all but disowned his own daughter.

Eli hadn't spoken to Ziva for months, and honestly Ziva was glad. Maybe he had finally realized he couldn't spend 15 years pushing someone away, and then expect them to turn around and instantly forgive him for everything.

Gibbs had stepped away, feeling his agents needed some privacy so they could figure out what they were going to do. Remembering what Ziva had said earlier about Kelly. What would he do if Gibbs were in Ziva's shoes. The boss had always had respect for Ziva, but he had just found more.

This new found respect for his agent wasn't so much as professional respect, but more along the lines Of parenting respect. Realizing he would have done the exact same thing, he smiled to himself, knowing she had probably asked herself: "What would Gibbs do?"

Gibbs walked back over to McGee, and looked at the "Probie".

"What's wrong Boss? I know that face and that's the 'something's wrong and I'm waiting for you idiots to figure it out to' face." McGee was spot on with his 'Gibbs face' deciphering.

Instead of making his agent wonder, he gave his a rare 'Gibbs smile' and answered:"Nothing's wrong McGee. In fact, things are just beginning to make a turn in the right direction."

Gibbs was hopping he wouldn't have to spell out what he wanted from Ziva and Tony to take out of this, but if it came to a spelling bee, he would gladly enter the contest.

_A/N: Let me know what you think of this chaper please! Read, review, repeat. _


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who has favorited, followed, reviews, or just glanced at my story. Also, I am looking for people to help review and edit chapters. If you are interested, please shoot me a pm. Thanks!_

_Disclamer: Bla Bla Bla, I don't own NCIS, though I am sure you have heard this disclamer repeatedly, Bla Bla Bla_.

The team returned to the bullpen later that night to address what everyone had found.

"Hey boss, I got a hit on the tire tracks from the crime scene. It was a 2004 Ford E-350 cargo van. Abby already put out a bolo. I can check cameras from the surrounding area for any hits, and maybe get part of a plate." McGee was already typing away, trying to access the cameras as the Boss man gave him a nod of approval.

"Gibbs, I talked to the witness and got a sketch made of the kidnapper. As soon as Ziva gets the pic-" Tony was cut of by a phone slamming back on its receiver.

"I finally talked Mossad into giving me the picture Jen had on her badge. They are emailing it to me as we speak." Ziva pulled up her email as her computer beeped. "Got it! Gibbs, do you want me to put out a bolo?"

"Sure, Ziver"

Gibbs walked back out to see if Abby had anything. Just as he stepped out of the elevator, he was atacked by a mass of black pigtails and platform boots.

"Gibbs! I was just coming up to get you. I think I may have found our van." Gibbs noticed her excitement was calming by the word and by the end she was defiantly holding something back.

"But?" Gibbs asked

"But... It's really easy to get. Too easy. It's parked in a parking lot 6 blocks from the crime scene. It has been since about an hour after the kidnaping. And, um... " Abby wasnt really sure how to word this, "McGee well, he told me about Ziva and Jenny. I promise, I will do my absolute best to help with the case."

"You always do Abbs."

Gibbs turned to leave, and felt a hand on his arm.

"You think that's all I've got?" Abby was challenging Gibbs now.

"Well?"

"I ran inferred scans for the area, and the van has no current activity, but I got 2 heat blobs about person size getting out of the van after it parked. There is also a blob that is bigger, like a person carrying someone. I followed their trail to a cabin in the woods. They haven't left yet."

"Get me those coordinates Abbs."

"Already sent them to McGee."

Gibbs ran up the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. Upon walking into the bull pen, Gibbs saw that everyone was already ready to go and had their stuff. As he continued to walk, everyone joined the 'walking campfire', sharing what else everyone had learned since the last briefing.

"Gibbs, we got a hit on the bolo we put out." McGee went first, knowing his info was probably most important. "He was seen leaving a convenience store 30 minutes before the kidnaping. I hacked the security cameras, and facial recognition identified him as James Moore." By this time, they were getting out of the elevator, and getting in to the car. Ziva drive, seeing as she could get them their fastest, and hopefully alive.

"I figured out that the van is a rental, after McGee found a shot of the license plate on tragic cams. I tried to call the rental company, and got absolutely nowhere after that. Rent-a-car, never rely on them for anything." Tony was scarred of Gibbs reaching back and slapping him for finding so little, but Gibbs felt slightly lenient, seeing the case was close to home for the whole team.

"Ziva, you get anything?" Gibbs asked softly, seeing she was sitting in the car with them, but she wasn't all there in her eyes, like something was bugging her.

"He used her. He didn't even know who she was, and he used her anyway." Ziva was close to tears again. Crying twice in one day, this was rare to unheard of for Ziva, and everyone knew she was barely holding on for this case, Gibbs and Tony being slightly more enlightened than the rest of the team. "God Gibbs, if he wasn't already dead I would kill him myself. He had crossed a line when he had my mother and Tali killed, and he was trying to make up for everything when he died, but he didn't just step over this line, he hurled himself across like a human bamman-ball."

"Zee, do you mean cannon ball?" Tony was glad he wasn't the only one confused.

"I don't know what I mean, Tony. He was using her as his own personal spy, like de doesn't have enough of them already. I shouldn't have left her there Gibbs, I shouldn't have."

Gibbs and Tony had managed to pit two and two together, and were suddenly understanding why she was more than a little out of it.

McGee had figured out that Jen was Ziva's daughter, and could only assume she had been named after the "original" Jenny, Director Jennifer Shepard. He managed to figure out two plus two was four, he was after all a MIT graduate. But he couldn't for the life of him figure out why Tony was so involved in the case too. Then, McGee figured out what two times two equaled.

"Ziva, I need to know, is Tony the fa-"

"Yes, McGee, Tony is Jen's father. Now then, no more on that discussion, we are here."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N I apologize for the break without so much as a chapter. I have been really busy, and haven't had much time to write. No other excuses, just please don't shoot me. But, as a gift of forgiveness, I give you the following. No, not a disclaimer, look a little lower. There you go!_

_Disclaimer: Regrettably, I don't own NCIS. If I did, I wouldn't be this broke._

The team pulled up outside the cabin, which was more like a room in the middle of the woods than a cabin.

Gibbs shut off the ignition and lights, so they didn't announce 'Hey, we're here!', and let the car drift to its resting place, not wanting to run the risk of the brakes squeaking.

Before stepping out of the car, Gibbs gave the team some orders. "Ziva, you and I will come in from the front. Tony, you and McGee will remain at the Back door, but don't come in until one of us yells 'clear'. I want them to think they can get out, and hopefully we can kill a bastard or two trying to run. Is that clear to everyone?" They all looked at each other, nodding their heads. "Okay then. Lets go"

That was it. Four simple words, and the adrenaline rush was immediate.

They got out of the car, leaving the doors open to reduce the noise, and all went according to plan. Almost.

Tony and McGee were at the back, when they heard Gibbs and Ziva go in. One. Two. Three. Three shots went off. Then a scream. A scream so high pitched and terrifying, it made Tony's blood curdle.

One man came out the back. And was instantaneously shot down. Then all hell broke loose. They heard two shots go off. Two shots with a sound neither one recognized. Instinctively, they went in, disobeying orders, and knowing that something was wrong. A gut feeling.

When McGee stepped over the threshold, guns drawn and at the ready, he wasn't prepared for what he saw.

Ziva. Ziva standing in a corner. No, being dragged into a corner. With a gun in her back, and a man behind her, using Ziva as a human shield. A man he recognized as the man who was on the drivers license the Rent-A-Car had on file. James Moore.

That's when he saw her. A glimpse out of the corner of his eye. Jen, unconscious, beaten, and thrown in an opposite corner to the one Ziva was unwillingly in. He saw a glimpse of her, and only a glimpse, because that's when Ziva made her move.

She felt James relax slightly, and shift uneasily, paying too little attention to her. She kicked his knee, causing it to hyperextended, and buckle under the weight on the man relying on it. She grabbed his gun as it was falling off her neck, and without hesitating, fired two shots. One landing in his arm, forcing him to roll over in pain. The other placed in his stomach, not immediately fatal, but he would defiantly bleed to death in a few minutes. A slow, painful way to die. Exactly what he deserved, and not for a moment did anyone think of calling for an ambulance.

Their attention simultaneously turned to Jen, who was the exact spitting image if her mother, with the exception of her beautiful green eyes, which nobody but Ziva knew about.

"Come on Ziver. Lets get her in the car and take her to the hospital." Gibbs was soft and yet stern. "The faster we get her there, the better. I can carry her if you want."

"Thank you, Gibbs. I am afraid if I try, I will drop her because of my shaking." Ziva was honestly scared. The last time she was scared, was when Tony's car blew up, and she thought she had lost him. "I can't lose her, Gibbs, I just can't"

Gibbs carefully picked up her small body. Even for a thirteen year old assassin, she was light. Too light. 'They probably starved her', he thought to himself. 'She most likely hasn't eaten for days. No wonder she's passed out, if not from the beatings she was obviously given.' He couldn't help the silent tear running down his face, and couldn't wipe it off because of obvious reasons. So he let it be, and wore the tear as a silent sign to Ziva, she wasn't alone in this battle. He let Tony and Ziva get in the backseat, seeing as it was their child he was holding, and carefully slipped her into their laps, so Jen was laying on a bed of legs. 'So much like her mother', Gibbs thought,'What could have made them do this to her?'

They had found no connection to her in any way, and decided it was a random kidnaping, and they happend to nap the wrong girl. McGee silently got in the passenger seat, with Gibbs spins the same in the drivers seat. He started the car, and hit the gas. Closer and closer they got to finding out what they had actually done to her.

_I know there is not a lot of dialog in this chapter, but I can't imagine them talking much, just kind of meaningful looks. And no, this is not the end, but it may be a few days before my next update. Yes, I'm evil, I know._


	8. Chapter 8

_Yay! Another chapter. And a shout-out to NCISLOVER25, who is my new beta reader._

_Disclaimer: I didn't own NCIS last time I checked. If anyone sees my name on the credits, please let my know, as it is new news to me._

"Family of Jennifer David-" They all stood up in unison. All seven of them. Abby and Ducky joined the team as soon as they heard they were taking her to the hospital, and the older Jenny had come as soon as her position as Director would allow. Now that happened to be past midnight, but she was there nonetheless. "Are you all family?" The nurse made it seem like they didn't get 'families' like this one too often.

"No, I am her mother," Ziva spoke for the first time since arriving at the hospital, "And this is Jen's father." She pointed to Tony, who was still getting used to the title of 'father'. "The rest are not immediate family, but they are a family of friends."

"Ma'am, we need to talk to you about the condition of your daughter. If you would come this way please." The nurse gestured Ziva towards a set of large double doors.

"Thank you for the concern of privacy, but whatever you are going to say, they can hear too."

"Well okay, first of all the rape kit came back negative. We have sent another one off, just to double check, but they rarely give false negatives. Second, she hasn't had anything to eat or drink for days. We believe this is why she was uncontious. We have an IV running fluids with vitamins in her now, so she can begin to recover. She really isn't as bad as she looks right now, and besides a black eye, she has very little signs of a physical fight, which is good. Um, and ma'am, we saw her when she came in, and um, we couldn't stand to see such a beautiful girl so dirty, so we gave her a light sponge bath while we liked her over. It was, um, against protocol, but I was in there to witness it, and I promise your daughter was treated with the utmost care."

The nurse went from being so detached, like Jen was just another patient, to a caring person who didn't care if they broke protocol in a matter of minutes. But, it put the team in a better mood, knowing she was being well cared for.

"If all goes well, she should be able to be discharged in 36 to 48 hours, depending on just how much her body was deprived of food and water. But if you would like to see her, I can let you in a few at a time."

Tony and Ziva looked at each other, and smiled. "I think we would all like to see Jen. But could Ziva and I go in first?" Tony was despite to see his daughter again, and didn't think he could wait much longer.

_A/N I Know, it's a short chapter, but it was necessary, and a bridge between places in the story. The next chapter will be people seeing Jen. I promise._


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N. It's up! Pull up a chair, grab a beer (or your preferred beverage), go buy some munchies, this ones gonna be good. I promise._

"Yes, you may go see your daughter." Tony was up and in line to go to Jen's room so fast, it was like telling a kid 'go on, run ahead to the toy shop', and Ziva was right behind him.

"Ima? Ima, oh my God Ima, I was so scarred. They said they were going to hurt you. Are you okay Ima? They said if I didn't cooperate they would kill you. And Ima, I know I wasn't supposed to be scarred, but I was terrified, and I-" Jen looked at Ziva with tears streaming down her face.

"Oh my darling, it is all okay. Look, I am okay, you are okay, Tony seems to be doing okay, we are all okay."

"They said you left me in Israel because you didn't care about me. Ima, I know it's not true, but it made me wish I grew up with you."

"Baby, I would have never left you there, but I didn't have a choice. Aba said if he could keep you in Israel with him, he wouldn't kill us. I couldn't have you dyeing. You were too young. I made him promise I could have you back. Your aunt said she would keep you safe and sound, until she died. That was the agreement. I could have you back when she died. I didn't want to leave you there alone, but no one could hurt you while you were so close to Aba." Ziva had moved to her daughters side, now sitting on the bed with her. The morning light was starting to shine through the small window that was covered with a light sheet.

"I'm going to go get some coffee. You two want anything?" Tony wanted to see his not so little girl so bad, but he was a side note in her life. He hadn't existed to her for thirteen years, what would another five minutes of missing it do? He felt like a complete bastard for thinking that way, but he couldn't get over that feeling if missing so much. Life coming into a movie you have never seen five minutes before the credits, and trying to understand every little detail.

"I would take some ice chips, if you don't mind. The doctor said it was okay for me to have as much water or ice as I wanted." Jen spoke carefully, not knowing who this man was. But her mother certainly seemed to trust him, so she could ask him for some ice, right?

"I am fine, but thank you Tony." Ziva was trying to understand how he felt, and it was horrible. Maybe he wasn't taking it okay. Maybe seeing Jen set off something she didn't know about.

Seeing that the man was leaving, Jen felt she could let down her walls a little. "Ima, will you sing to me. The song you sang on the phone last time. Please, I love it when you sing."

"Sure baby."

Alone. He felt like he was standing on the edge of nowhere. He didn't want to let his heart feel what it so desperately wanted to feel. Every time he let himself do that, something bad happened. His mother had died. His dad turned away from him. Last time was with Ziva. But that led to Somalia, and nobody wanted that to happen again. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no hero who lived forever in a child mind. There was no end to the dark nights of war with himself. He wasn't going to do this.

But he couldn't hurt her. They had just began to open up to each other again. He was letting his walls down, and then the sudden snap back to reality. Seeing their child laying on that bed. He would never be what he needed to be for that child. He had gone too long, with doing too little, and it was simply too late. He would end up failing just like his father, and he couldn't do that. He couldn't tear that child apart trying to be something he wasn't. She needed someone to be there for her. And he wasn't that someone.

Love was tearing him up with out a reason, and leaving him on the floor to bleed. He had heard if love doing strange things, but was this love? He knew he loved Ziva, and Jen, but could his dreams of the last few days come true? Was anyone listing to his prayers of loneliness, and were they willing to forgive and forget whatever he did to deserve this? He couldn't give up. He loved them, and that was that. It WAS going to be alright. It just wasn't that way yet.

He returned from getting ice and coffee, to hear someone singing inside Jen's room. Could it be Ziva? He had never heard her sing before, but it was certainly beautiful.

"Just close your eyes, the sun is going down. You'll be alright, no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you'll be safe and sound."

He thought it was her but he couldn't tell for sure. He looked through the little peephole in the door the doctors used. Sure enough, there was Ziva sitting on the bed singing. And it was a beautiful sight.

"So don't you dare look out your window darling, everything's on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold on to this lullaby, even when the music's gone."

It was amazing. He never knew Ziva could sing like this. It was absolutely heartbreaking. Her voice had the power to make you stop in your tracks, and think about your life, like there was something missing from it. Then and there, he made up his mind. He would take every opportunity to love the both if them, and make the best of what ever happens.

_A/N. I changed the plan for the chapters a bit. Don't kill me please. I also tried something new for this chapter (thanks to SAWild) and listened to songs while I wrote. The songs I used for this chapter were Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift, Song for the Lonely by Cher, and a little bit of She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5. Let me know what you think about it, and let me know if you want me to put where to turn the songs on if you want to listen while you read. Thanks! And a shout out to NCISLOVER25, who is my beta_.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N. YAY! Made it to the tenth chapter! I will be doing the song thing for the rest of my story, as I feel it makes me write better. What do you think? The songs for this chapter are She Will Be Loved by Maroon5 (again), Just A Kiss by Lady Antebellum, and Give Your Heart a Break by Demi Lovato_.

"Ziva, that was amazing, I had no idea you could sing like that."

" I have never sang to anyone besides Tali and Jen." Ziva said quietly. "And once in a bar, but that was a few years ago, and I really don't like to talk about it. Besides, I was undercover, so I shouldn't really talk about it anyway? Should I?" Ziva was a nervous mess, and of all things, her eyes just wouldn't shut up. "I am sorry Tony, but it seems that everyone I have sang to, I have had to say goodbye. And they are never the easy goodbyes, they were some of the hardest goodbyes I have ever said.

"We'll, that's okay. I get that. One thing is bugging me though."

"What's that?"

"I didn't know your we're a Swifty."

"A what?"

"A Swifty. When someone likes Taylor Swift, they are a Swifty. Like One Direction and Directioners. The song you were singing was a Taylor Swift song. So therefore, you are a Swifty." Tony managed to say all this with a straight face, but barely.

"Tony, I didn't know the song was by Taylor Swifty, I just heard it on the radio and liked it. I sang it to Jen last time we talked on the phone. She asked me to sing it again, and I did."Ziva was starting to get annoyed by this mans inability to leave something alone, not realizing it was a joke.

"Zee, just chill out a minute, okay? It is fine, I didn't mean to get you upset. Okay? We cool?" After a slight nod from Ziva, he sat down of the couch with Ziva. She shifted closer to him, and leaned slightly into his shoulder, surprising him. "And Ziva, it's Swift, not Swifty." He added quietly, earning him a playful punch on the shoulder.

But he was still reeling, trying to figure out what her leaning into him meant. Was she okay with them dating?

"Ziva, we need to talk. Right now, I just want to talk, and get it all out there, and just have you listen. Then when I'm done, you can talk if you want to, or you can just think, I don't care. But I need to get this out there. Okay?"

Ziva was interested as to what he was wanting to say, though she had a mild idea given the past few days. "Okay, go."

"We'll, lying here with you so close to me, it got me thinking about things. It's hard to fight this 'thing' that I've been feeling for dso long, and I don't know if there mutual, or a one way thing. It's like it gets so hard to breathe when your around. It's like all I can think about is your smile, and the way you do things that I haven't always noticed. Like, I can tell when you blow dry you hair, or when you let it dry naturally. When you blow dry it, it gets more wavy than curly, and I didn't used to notice that." He checked to make sure his listener was still listening.

"I've never really opened up to anyone like this, but it's gotten so hard to hold my walls up with what has happened the last few weeks. We went from sharing things with each other, like my mom and Tali, to the last few days with Jen, and it's just so different now. Like the timing is right for all this to come out, at least between us. But holding you in my arms feels so right, it's feels wrong to keep these feelings from you. I'm not asking for us to rush this, and I don't want anything permanent right now, but I want to get this out there."

He looked down at Ziva, who was obviously deep in thought, and was wondering what she could be so deep in thought about. Was she thinking about the best was to tell him 'no way'? Was she thinking of the best way to pack everything and run with-

"I think," she spoke slowly,"If we give this 'us' thing a little time to develop more with us both aware of each others wanting a, we could come closer to the love we want to find. I agree, my life has never felt so, right. Like it has a meaning that was never there, and I feel it strongest when I'm close, or thinking about you. I don't want to mess this thing up that we have by pushing to hard, but I think with time, it could work." She ended slowly, choosing her words carefully. "I know you have been hurt before, and I believe it was your mother, as you said she was the first woman to break your heart, and I can see that hurt in your eyes, and I promise, I don't want to break your heart. You try to smile and joke and hide the pain, but I can see through that. So lets give us a chance. Please." She was glad to finally get it off her mind, like she was keeping a dark, dirty, big secret. Like there was a light at the end of the tunnel, even if it had a few turns and curves in it.

"I just don't want to hurt you like she hurt me, and I'm scared I will."

"I promise, if you are just yourself, you may annoy me sometimes, but you could never hurt me like that." Ziva looked at the clock. Wow, they had been in here 45 minutes. "Let's go back out with the team. They are probably still waiting, and I don't think Jen wants any more visitors, seeing as she is still nocked out cold."

"Hey!" Said Tony with wide eyes," You got one right!"

"One what right?"

"An American idiom. 'Nocked out cold', You got it right!"

"Cool. So that's one for me, and 27 million for you, right? Guess I gotta start somewhere." They walked out the door quietly to the rest of the team to tell them to go home. They walked closer than before, not enough to raise alarm, but enough to hint towards the conversation they just had.

_A/N. Let me know what you think!_


	11. Chapter 11

A/N - Sorry for the long break. My Grandmother got really sick and passed, so I didn't feel much like writing, but I'm back now. I also want to add, that updates have been a little here and there. I'm considering posting a one shot tiva fanfic I wrote a while ago, but im not sure? Do you think I should post it? Now that I've made a novel of my (random) thoughts, lets get to the good stuff... As in the story...

All this time there was a fever between them. Like a cold sweet when you wake up from a dream, but it wasn't a dream. Even when her father had died, she threw her hands in the air, looked to her god, and asked him to show her something. Something to believe in. Something worth living for. Something that was too good to be true. She turned around and pointed her gun at that something. He to had his hands in the air, but not for giving up. But as a sign. Daring her to let him come a little closer. To let him into her world of pain and misery once more. And, hopefully, bring some light into her deep, dark, corner of the underworld, where happiness and suffering met, and fought a daily battle for her emotions.

Round and around and around they had gone for years, pushing and pulling and letting each other into the deepest parts of their soul. They would share secrets and tell each other it would be okay when it wasn't. Tell each other it would be okay, when nobody else could, because nobody else knew.

And something about the way they could look at each other, decipher what they were silently saying, and make each other want something they both denied themselves, but couldn't live without. That power, to be able to look at each other, and make everyone else feel as if they were going to spontaneously combust, wasn't taken, but given, by a higher power that nobody, even the fates, could control.

But now that was different. They were both trapped in each others sweet love. They opened up to each other, not sure they could trust. But their hearts were suddenly free. Free to let themselves be known to the world, without being punished and put in time out. Free to rome about and explore the unexplored depths of emotion. Free to... Love.

"Tony, could I spend the night with you? I really don't want to go home alone." Ziva was a bit shy, showing she was scared and alone was not something Ziva did often, and when she did, it was few and far between. Staying with him would be one of the only things that would help her at the moment. If she went to Gibbs and asked for advice, and she would end up staying there. And in the mind of Ziva David, staying with Gibbs is like asking for money from Gibbs. If she were to go to McGee's place, she would stay there, get drunk, and in some confused daze she would wake up with a hangover with McGee telling her what to do. Another tempting offer, but not what she needs.

"Sure, you can stay here. There is beer in the fridge, and stronger stuff in the cabinet. Glasses are optional." Tony didn't mind Ziva staying with him, in fact he kinda liked it. But he figured there would be more drinking than talking, so he figured to put the selection out early.

But Ziva didn't want to drink. Not only did she want to be able to see her daughter in the morning, but she wanted to feel the moment, not drown it in various proofs of alcohol. She wanted to be an NCIS agent who showed emotions and grieved when appropriate, not a Mossad agent who was a rock and had a 100% straight face 24/7. That's not who she is anymore. Hell, even Gibbs shows emotion and grieves. Not as much as Abby, but he does.

"I don't want to drink Tony, but I might take a movie." She paused for a second, letting him process the sentence. "Do you know any we could watch?" She mangers to hold a straight face, but not by much.

"Umm. Yeah. Just give me a second-"

They ended up watching The Princess Bride, which was fine by Ziva. She wasn't really watching the movie much, but it gave her an okay excuse for staring off into space and not saying anything. Even better, it gave her an excuse for cuddling up with Tony.

With everything that was going on, she surprisingly still had both feet on the ground. She was starting to actually listen to her gut, not just about work, but Tony and Jen too. She didn't think she could ever turn around her life like this, but she did, and it hasn't killed her yet.

But what if its too late to apologize, like it has for too many situations. For Tali, Eli, Jenny, and to many other names. She couldn't apologize for not being there, she couldn't apologize for not letting him be there, and she couldn't apologize for not being there in time.

What if this time she can't apologize to herself? That would be the ultimate screw up. She used to be able to take a shot for herself. To protect herself. To fall for herself, to protect what she loved most. But what happened? Michael happened. Ray happened. And they both that from her, until they left nothing. And if Tony doesn't work, what else is there to give? She was afraid of that answer, and should be.

Tony looked down to find a sleeping Ziva. Peaceful for one this week, and he's happy for that. How she does it, he doesn't know, but he respects her for it, and that's what matters.

A/N - There is more to this story, I promise.


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